super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
