New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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