Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
