i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
