Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
