u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
