We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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