so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
