I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
