oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
please come you make the beer taste better
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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