My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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