Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
