so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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