He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
