Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
