About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
