whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
