he told me I talked like a deaf person
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
At least life still wants to fuck me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
