i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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