she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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