I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
