He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
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I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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