Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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