considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
