Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
