No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
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It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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