I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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