went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
