she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
