My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
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I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
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his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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