That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
