we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
