His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
