this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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