i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
