I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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