The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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