I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
