all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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