I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
