can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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