That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
