sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
