Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
