I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
