Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
