Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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