FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
