you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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