Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you had me at cake vodka
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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