Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
