You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
