And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
