i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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