I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
