i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I love having hate sex.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
