Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
