Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
