Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
