He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
