I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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