Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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