im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
