I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
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